These are a few images from the day we celebrated Lexi's life in Heaven, like I have mentioned, it wasn't anything big, but it was perfect for her.
I haven't wrote much because honestly it's so very hard still. Life is getting back to normal for everyone except me. While everything around me appears like I am moving on, I clearly am not. Emotionally it's hard every day. I think about her still, wanting her, missing her. There are days where I am busy with our other four that it's not until night when life stops moving that I find all those same emotions there...still. There are days I feel proud of myself for not crying and laughing instead. I think, "you're getting better." Only to be followed by a bad day when all the emotion seems to have been building when I was unaware. I hate to sound so down all the time, but truth is I am. I hate that this happened.
The feelings I feel now.... I feel like in the beginning we mourned her diagnosis for weeks then came to accept, to an extent what might happen. When that happened and we said goodbye and I felt at peace that she was with the Lord. Now almost 4 weeks past realization has set in. I am not pregnant, I am not carrying our little girl whom we named Lexi anymore, she doesn't exist with us, she will never, not at her due date in December, a date we were so excited about. It will come and go and honestly I will probably be the only one that will be aware of what day it is when it comes, everyone will be focused on Christmas. I don't blame them, it's life. I am her mother so it makes it completely different for me. It has hit me so different and hard this week. A new reality I guess. One that I have to accept and wish I didn't have to. So very blessed to have carried and known her.
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