I honestly have no explanation why our magnificent Lord allows certain things to happen in our lives. I was reading about a family that lost their sweet baby boy to Trisomy 13 recently and I thought I wonder why the Lord would allow families to lose something more important to them than their own lives and the only thought that came to mind is how when babies or children are suffering so many strangers that have no connection with these families reach out with sympathy, prayers, love. Some find God through those tragedies. I read tonight how one woman turned her back on God when she lost her baby girl in January of this year. She said she hasn't prayed since that time even denied Him. I don't blame that woman because I know how high emotions get and how the devil can use the situation for his benefit. he did that to me, told me so many lies. She went on to say that reading about the baby boy with Trisomy 13 she reconnected with God. If it were not for the tragedies God uses, lives would not be changed, more souls are saved in His name through those tragedies.
I do rejoice in the fact that we are so joyful that we knew Lexi even if that meant letting her go. I often want to wallow in my own emotions but if I look at the bigger picture, what if God allowed this to happen for more souls to be brought to Him. If I could choose, I would choose to have her here with us, we miss her terribly. Her name is mentioned daily. Karis, our 3 yr. old mentioned the other day while cuddling in bed with me that she couldn't reach Lexi. I said, you can't reach her? She said, no, I can't fly, if I could fly I could reach her. As hard as it is to hear such sweet thoughts come from our three year old, it makes me happy to hear her express thoughts about Lexi. I praise God for Lexi and allowing us to be her family.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
to honor Lexi
today makes a week since we buried our little girl. The days are getting better. I have been surrounded by peace the past few days, but that doesn't mean there aren't times where I just break down at the thought of everything we have been going through the past weeks. at times I don't want to heal because I feel like it means forgetting Lexi. It's a lie, I know I am being told. We will never forget. She was amazing the time I knew her.
So today makes a day since the funeral. A week ago we were meeting the funeral director at the cemetery to pick out a plot for our daughter, picked out a marker, casket....things I never thought we would have to do, never hoped we would have to do. We did it for Lexi not for us. I wanted to give her the best. So we picked a beautiful area of the cemetery near crepe myrtle trees. The following day her funeral was scheduled at 10:00am. I was looking forward to being near her again my heart aching at the thought of having to leave her at the cemetery. It seems like so long ago. Special verses that helped get us through the past weeks were read by my father-in-law her papa, followed by prayer, her sisters and brothers placing pink roses on her beautifully adorned casket. It was draped in pastel baby pink roses with baby's breath we bought for her, a pink teddy bear from her siblings, pink flowers from my mom and dad and a beautiful bouquet of flowers from some sweet friends that are more like family to us. Everything was perfect just the was we had planned for her. It was her day, a way to honor her.
At the end we had picked up about 40 pink balloons and released them in honor of Lexi. It was absolutely beautiful. Tears flowed as all of the balloons drifted to the skies out of sight. The all stayed together and slowly became little dots until we couldn't see them any longer. It truly was exactly what we wanted for Lexi. We now have a place to visit her anytime we want. I know she isn't there in spirit, but it does make me feel better to have her there.
Like I said, the days are getting better. I am slowly getting back to myself, finding peace and happiness. I can't begin to thank everyone for the cards, prayers, emails, texts. So thankful for friends and family and most of all the Lord for a peace that only He can deliver and Has. Praise be to Him!
So today makes a day since the funeral. A week ago we were meeting the funeral director at the cemetery to pick out a plot for our daughter, picked out a marker, casket....things I never thought we would have to do, never hoped we would have to do. We did it for Lexi not for us. I wanted to give her the best. So we picked a beautiful area of the cemetery near crepe myrtle trees. The following day her funeral was scheduled at 10:00am. I was looking forward to being near her again my heart aching at the thought of having to leave her at the cemetery. It seems like so long ago. Special verses that helped get us through the past weeks were read by my father-in-law her papa, followed by prayer, her sisters and brothers placing pink roses on her beautifully adorned casket. It was draped in pastel baby pink roses with baby's breath we bought for her, a pink teddy bear from her siblings, pink flowers from my mom and dad and a beautiful bouquet of flowers from some sweet friends that are more like family to us. Everything was perfect just the was we had planned for her. It was her day, a way to honor her.
At the end we had picked up about 40 pink balloons and released them in honor of Lexi. It was absolutely beautiful. Tears flowed as all of the balloons drifted to the skies out of sight. The all stayed together and slowly became little dots until we couldn't see them any longer. It truly was exactly what we wanted for Lexi. We now have a place to visit her anytime we want. I know she isn't there in spirit, but it does make me feel better to have her there.
Like I said, the days are getting better. I am slowly getting back to myself, finding peace and happiness. I can't begin to thank everyone for the cards, prayers, emails, texts. So thankful for friends and family and most of all the Lord for a peace that only He can deliver and Has. Praise be to Him!
Monday, August 12, 2013
Lexi.....her birth story
I thought I would go ahead and share Lexi's birth story so that I can forever remember the day that changed us as a family.
We were scheduled to see the doctor weekly due to the fact when carrying a triploidy baby the mother's health is at risk because of the possibility of preeclampsia setting in because of problems with the placenta. We were scheduled to see the doctor on Friday, August 2 at 2:15. That morning I was cleaning like a crazy woman almost as though I knew we were going to have a baby. It seems I do that with all of our kids. I just know the night prior I was super cold, I am always super hot when pregnant. I know that sounds crazy but the thought had crossed my mind that Lexi had passed. I wasn't sure but the following day, I packed the kids suitcases and ours as if I was in labor going in to have Lexi. I feel like the Lord was preparing us. I had everything ready.
My mom met us at the doctor to pick up the kids and watch them for us. We went in and waited to be seen. My vitals were checked then we were lead in the room and waited for the nurse to come in to check Lexi's heartbeat just like the week before. She moved the doppler around and around waiting and thinking from time to time that she might have heard Lexi's heartbeat, but wasn't sure. I heard nothing but the swooshing of the womb. I was sure our Lexi was already in the arms of Jesus. She left the room to get a permission form to do an ultrasound to check on Lexi's heartbeat to be sure. When she left I looked at Stevie and told him I knew Lexi was gone. He held me and said we weren't sure to wait for the ultrasound. We walked into the ultrasound which seems a blur now. She started looking around, I looked over to the machine and saw our Lexi as still and peaceful as could be. I knew. She looked for a bit then told us she wasn't seeing a heartbeat. I asked her to just let me see Lexi for a while. I stared at our little Lexi on the same screen that just a few weeks before we saw what we thought was a healthy baby girl moving all around. I cried on that table as part of me was gone with Lexi. I wanted so bad to believe Lexi would be healed but also knew what we were told. So I had prepared myself during these few weeks. I would have carried Lexi for as long as the Lord allowed me just to have her still with me. I know no one might understand that and that's okay. I miss her terribly. I miss knowing she was inside of me safe.
After we met with the doctor who told us we could go home and get things prepared of we needed to. I was already prepared. I wanted to go ahead and have Lexi so that it might be easier on our little ones at home. I knew the longer we were away from them there would be more questions. So they prepared everything at the hospital and we went over to be admitted at about 4:00. As soon as we walked in the delivery room I broke down. Every time we walked into a delivery room in past years it was pure joy because we knew we were having our sweet baby to bring home. This time was so different and awful. We knew we wouldn't be bringing Lexi home. So we were situated in our room and waited on the doctor. He came in about 8:00 to give me my first dose of meds to begin contractions. There wasn't an iv for me only a catheter type needle in my hand in case anything went wrong. No one told me what to expect so I had a lot of questions. The meds were inserted into the cervix to start contractions and every 6 hours another dose would be administered. So in the beginning there were 3 pills then the second dose would be 4 pills, every dose was increased by 1 pill. The doctor had previously told us that we should deliver between 8 and 12 Saturday morning. They were very surprised when the second dose wasn't working. I ended up having 3 doses and only an hour before the 4th dose when we delivered. The nurse gave me ambien to help me sleep. I woke up at about 5:30 Saturday morning with severe contractions and thought it wouldn't be long. I then called the nurse to find the doctor because he was suppose to have come in at 3:00am to give me my second dose of medication but didn't. He then came about 5:45am to insert the 2nd dose. We didn't have to have a contraction belt on, but we told them I would like to see what the contractions were doing so they put one on me. We also didn't have to have a fetal heart monitor on me because in the nurse's words, "there wasn't a reason". I knew this but it was so hard to hear. For a while the contractions were hard then tapered off later which was so frustrating.
It was a long day and a long labor. I had wanted an epidural prior to even going into the hospital thinking I didn't want to be physically in pain and emotionally. Once we talked with the doctor I decided not to have an epidural only because he seemed to think it would go fast since I had already given birth to 4 other children. I guess he was wrong.
While I was laboring all day we had Stevie's parents, my parents, and a few close friends there with us. I am so thankful that we had them, they honestly kept the spirit up and my mind off of what was going on. I was contracting all day and by that afternoon was physically and emotionally drained. I was ready to be done. I was ready to meet Lexi.
The contractions started to get stronger and harder around 3:00pm. I asked for meds to be administered to ease the contractions. She came in to give me Stadol. I had that with our first child and it didn't seem to have the same affect as it did this time around. She started administering it through iv and wasn't even half way through and I was so loopy uncontrollable laughing. They tell me even the nurse had to look away because I was obviously hilarious. I know when she started pushing it through the iv, it started burning terribly so she had to flush the iv and administer the stadol little by little. I don't remember much after that. I know I was in and out of sleep. She was to administer more in 2 hours. Let's just say it didn't have the same affect the second time as the first. I know I got extremely hot after each dose of Stadol. People had to fan me. I wish I could remember more, maybe not after the way they say I acted.
Around 6:00pm the contractions were coming hard and I knew something was happening. The doctor came in to check me, he said it should be about 30 minutes and all I could think was 30 minutes with this pain. It was probably a few minutes later that I told the nurse it was time. So the doctor was waiting right around the corner. He came in checked me, I pushed and there was Lexi. I didn't have to dilate to 10 cm only to about 6. I prayed before I delivered her that everything would come out all together because that would cut down on the chance that any of the placenta would be left. That would mean no chance of a D & C. That would also mean there would likely be no chance for the cancer that is associated with Triploidy placenta to appear. Not sure if I mentioned that in any previous posts, but there is a cancer that can appear after delivery so they have to monitor my HCG numbers for a while. That will help them determine that everything is back to normal.
Lexi came into this world at 7:05 weighing only 5.5 ounces and 8 inches long. She was still inside the comfort of the uterus and the placenta was still attached. It was truly an amazing sight to see. Her little hands and feet were so easily visible inside. The doctor broke my water right in front of our eyes and there she was. The most beautiful sight and so much love. We were honestly happy to see her there were no tears. The doctor started talking about Lexi and certain things about her that showed signs of Triploidy. She looked perfect to us and we otherwise wouldn't have known any of the signs if they weren't pointed out to us. As soon as the doctor broke the water sac, Stevie, the doctor and I saw that Lexi had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck 3 times. It was so tight that it left rings around her tiny fragile neck. He said this was what she likely died from instead of the Triploidy. Triploidy would have eventually claimed her life, but not sure when. This was extremely hard for me afterward to comprehend why? Why Lord did you allow that to happen to Lexi when she was already sick and we prayed so hard. I felt like our Lexi had been through so much already. It was awful for me to come to terms with.
I have mentioned before I will not ever know why, but I have to trust Him, that's all I have from this. Him. A deeper understanding of life and how precious it is. No one knows until you experience something like this how precious life is. You can fear life or you can cherish it. There are days I fear it. I know we are not immune to tragedy now. It's scary, but I know who holds life and I totally trust Him. He knows how much I wanted Lexi.
We spent the next several hours looking at our sweet Lexi and trying to take in all of her features as not to forget. I was scared to touch her because she was so fragile. I put her little hand in mine just to hold because I knew it would only last for a while. I then dosed off due to a medication they gave me right before her birth, I don't know the name, just recall them saying it was more powerful than morphine. I handed her to Stevie and dosed off. When I woke up, I saw him still staring at her little body taking it all in. He told me he didn't want to forget her features.
I thought the hardest thing we would be facing was delivering her, it wasn't, it was having to leave her at the hospital and come home without her.
Sorry if this is too much information but I hope this helps with other families that may not know what to expect like us. I know every situation is different but maybe ours will help others find some comfort.
We were scheduled to see the doctor weekly due to the fact when carrying a triploidy baby the mother's health is at risk because of the possibility of preeclampsia setting in because of problems with the placenta. We were scheduled to see the doctor on Friday, August 2 at 2:15. That morning I was cleaning like a crazy woman almost as though I knew we were going to have a baby. It seems I do that with all of our kids. I just know the night prior I was super cold, I am always super hot when pregnant. I know that sounds crazy but the thought had crossed my mind that Lexi had passed. I wasn't sure but the following day, I packed the kids suitcases and ours as if I was in labor going in to have Lexi. I feel like the Lord was preparing us. I had everything ready.
My mom met us at the doctor to pick up the kids and watch them for us. We went in and waited to be seen. My vitals were checked then we were lead in the room and waited for the nurse to come in to check Lexi's heartbeat just like the week before. She moved the doppler around and around waiting and thinking from time to time that she might have heard Lexi's heartbeat, but wasn't sure. I heard nothing but the swooshing of the womb. I was sure our Lexi was already in the arms of Jesus. She left the room to get a permission form to do an ultrasound to check on Lexi's heartbeat to be sure. When she left I looked at Stevie and told him I knew Lexi was gone. He held me and said we weren't sure to wait for the ultrasound. We walked into the ultrasound which seems a blur now. She started looking around, I looked over to the machine and saw our Lexi as still and peaceful as could be. I knew. She looked for a bit then told us she wasn't seeing a heartbeat. I asked her to just let me see Lexi for a while. I stared at our little Lexi on the same screen that just a few weeks before we saw what we thought was a healthy baby girl moving all around. I cried on that table as part of me was gone with Lexi. I wanted so bad to believe Lexi would be healed but also knew what we were told. So I had prepared myself during these few weeks. I would have carried Lexi for as long as the Lord allowed me just to have her still with me. I know no one might understand that and that's okay. I miss her terribly. I miss knowing she was inside of me safe.
After we met with the doctor who told us we could go home and get things prepared of we needed to. I was already prepared. I wanted to go ahead and have Lexi so that it might be easier on our little ones at home. I knew the longer we were away from them there would be more questions. So they prepared everything at the hospital and we went over to be admitted at about 4:00. As soon as we walked in the delivery room I broke down. Every time we walked into a delivery room in past years it was pure joy because we knew we were having our sweet baby to bring home. This time was so different and awful. We knew we wouldn't be bringing Lexi home. So we were situated in our room and waited on the doctor. He came in about 8:00 to give me my first dose of meds to begin contractions. There wasn't an iv for me only a catheter type needle in my hand in case anything went wrong. No one told me what to expect so I had a lot of questions. The meds were inserted into the cervix to start contractions and every 6 hours another dose would be administered. So in the beginning there were 3 pills then the second dose would be 4 pills, every dose was increased by 1 pill. The doctor had previously told us that we should deliver between 8 and 12 Saturday morning. They were very surprised when the second dose wasn't working. I ended up having 3 doses and only an hour before the 4th dose when we delivered. The nurse gave me ambien to help me sleep. I woke up at about 5:30 Saturday morning with severe contractions and thought it wouldn't be long. I then called the nurse to find the doctor because he was suppose to have come in at 3:00am to give me my second dose of medication but didn't. He then came about 5:45am to insert the 2nd dose. We didn't have to have a contraction belt on, but we told them I would like to see what the contractions were doing so they put one on me. We also didn't have to have a fetal heart monitor on me because in the nurse's words, "there wasn't a reason". I knew this but it was so hard to hear. For a while the contractions were hard then tapered off later which was so frustrating.
It was a long day and a long labor. I had wanted an epidural prior to even going into the hospital thinking I didn't want to be physically in pain and emotionally. Once we talked with the doctor I decided not to have an epidural only because he seemed to think it would go fast since I had already given birth to 4 other children. I guess he was wrong.
While I was laboring all day we had Stevie's parents, my parents, and a few close friends there with us. I am so thankful that we had them, they honestly kept the spirit up and my mind off of what was going on. I was contracting all day and by that afternoon was physically and emotionally drained. I was ready to be done. I was ready to meet Lexi.
The contractions started to get stronger and harder around 3:00pm. I asked for meds to be administered to ease the contractions. She came in to give me Stadol. I had that with our first child and it didn't seem to have the same affect as it did this time around. She started administering it through iv and wasn't even half way through and I was so loopy uncontrollable laughing. They tell me even the nurse had to look away because I was obviously hilarious. I know when she started pushing it through the iv, it started burning terribly so she had to flush the iv and administer the stadol little by little. I don't remember much after that. I know I was in and out of sleep. She was to administer more in 2 hours. Let's just say it didn't have the same affect the second time as the first. I know I got extremely hot after each dose of Stadol. People had to fan me. I wish I could remember more, maybe not after the way they say I acted.
Around 6:00pm the contractions were coming hard and I knew something was happening. The doctor came in to check me, he said it should be about 30 minutes and all I could think was 30 minutes with this pain. It was probably a few minutes later that I told the nurse it was time. So the doctor was waiting right around the corner. He came in checked me, I pushed and there was Lexi. I didn't have to dilate to 10 cm only to about 6. I prayed before I delivered her that everything would come out all together because that would cut down on the chance that any of the placenta would be left. That would mean no chance of a D & C. That would also mean there would likely be no chance for the cancer that is associated with Triploidy placenta to appear. Not sure if I mentioned that in any previous posts, but there is a cancer that can appear after delivery so they have to monitor my HCG numbers for a while. That will help them determine that everything is back to normal.
Lexi came into this world at 7:05 weighing only 5.5 ounces and 8 inches long. She was still inside the comfort of the uterus and the placenta was still attached. It was truly an amazing sight to see. Her little hands and feet were so easily visible inside. The doctor broke my water right in front of our eyes and there she was. The most beautiful sight and so much love. We were honestly happy to see her there were no tears. The doctor started talking about Lexi and certain things about her that showed signs of Triploidy. She looked perfect to us and we otherwise wouldn't have known any of the signs if they weren't pointed out to us. As soon as the doctor broke the water sac, Stevie, the doctor and I saw that Lexi had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck 3 times. It was so tight that it left rings around her tiny fragile neck. He said this was what she likely died from instead of the Triploidy. Triploidy would have eventually claimed her life, but not sure when. This was extremely hard for me afterward to comprehend why? Why Lord did you allow that to happen to Lexi when she was already sick and we prayed so hard. I felt like our Lexi had been through so much already. It was awful for me to come to terms with.
I have mentioned before I will not ever know why, but I have to trust Him, that's all I have from this. Him. A deeper understanding of life and how precious it is. No one knows until you experience something like this how precious life is. You can fear life or you can cherish it. There are days I fear it. I know we are not immune to tragedy now. It's scary, but I know who holds life and I totally trust Him. He knows how much I wanted Lexi.
We spent the next several hours looking at our sweet Lexi and trying to take in all of her features as not to forget. I was scared to touch her because she was so fragile. I put her little hand in mine just to hold because I knew it would only last for a while. I then dosed off due to a medication they gave me right before her birth, I don't know the name, just recall them saying it was more powerful than morphine. I handed her to Stevie and dosed off. When I woke up, I saw him still staring at her little body taking it all in. He told me he didn't want to forget her features.
I thought the hardest thing we would be facing was delivering her, it wasn't, it was having to leave her at the hospital and come home without her.
Sorry if this is too much information but I hope this helps with other families that may not know what to expect like us. I know every situation is different but maybe ours will help others find some comfort.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
a week
well at 7:05 this evening made a week since I gave birth and our eyes were filled with the site of Lexi and our hearts filled with so much love all over again. We were in love from the moment we found out we were expecting again and even more in love when we finally were able to meet Lexi. I know she was only 5.5 ounces, but I could see her features so beautifully, ears, eyes, mouth, which even at 21 weeks her mouth looked like our other children. Today was good, I made sure to keep busy outside of the house. I find it especially hard to be at home when nothing is going on. That's when my mind seems to go back to the beginning of Lexi's diagnosis.
Tonight wasn't so good. Once home and settled with the kiddos, my mind began to go back...to the diagnosis, the labor, seeing Lexi for the first time, not hearing her sweet cry, hearing nothing, leaving the hospital without her, empty handed, arriving home without her, her funeral, so many thoughts...I began to question for the first time. I feel so weak, so unfaithful, so undeserving. I know God is just, He is perfect, His plan is perfect and our lives are not at this moment. Yes we have so much to be thankful for and we are. I am just having a hard time without Lexi here. I feel like she should be here and a week old. I wanted so bad to be able to caress her face in the middle of the night, to sing to her, just to know she knew my voice. These things haunt me. I know days will get better. They already have. I feel guilty for having a good day. I know Lexi would want us to have good days. She is happy I know without a doubt. I am thinking selfish thoughts as a mother. I want her, period.
I cannot believe it's been a week. Please pray peace for me and us as a family. God has given me peaceful days and I look forward to more.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Tonight wasn't so good. Once home and settled with the kiddos, my mind began to go back...to the diagnosis, the labor, seeing Lexi for the first time, not hearing her sweet cry, hearing nothing, leaving the hospital without her, empty handed, arriving home without her, her funeral, so many thoughts...I began to question for the first time. I feel so weak, so unfaithful, so undeserving. I know God is just, He is perfect, His plan is perfect and our lives are not at this moment. Yes we have so much to be thankful for and we are. I am just having a hard time without Lexi here. I feel like she should be here and a week old. I wanted so bad to be able to caress her face in the middle of the night, to sing to her, just to know she knew my voice. These things haunt me. I know days will get better. They already have. I feel guilty for having a good day. I know Lexi would want us to have good days. She is happy I know without a doubt. I am thinking selfish thoughts as a mother. I want her, period.
I cannot believe it's been a week. Please pray peace for me and us as a family. God has given me peaceful days and I look forward to more.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
where to begin
Saturday, August 3, 2013, I gave birth at 21 weeks to our beautiful Lexi. I will share her birth story sooner than later only because I don't want to forget a single second of it.
I thought giving birth to her would be the hardest part and while that was long and hard, we had a wonderful support group of friends and family there to keep our minds busy the whole day. Leaving the hospital was by far the hardest and saddest time of my life. We left without Lexi. It tears me apart thinking about it, even to mention it.
When we saw Lexi for the first time I honestly was so happy to see her. Finally able to see this precious little face that every mother longs to see but has to wait until it's time. She was everything in that moment, perfect in every way. We wanted to take in all of her features. I could go on and on about how perfect she looked. She didn't look sick. She looked like our Lexi. Our lives will never be the same, but we will heal. Lexi will never be forgotten, she is our 5th child, our daughter, the kids sister. We have 2 boys and 3 girls. Not everyone will know that I know. They will only see 2 boys and 2 girls.
We have been busy everyday since, during the down times is when it's the hardest. When I sit and think I don't know what color her eyes were, hair color, personality and I had to leave the hospital empty handed. These are the hardest.
I still don't understand why this happened. I don't know that I ever will. I do know we love Lexi with all of our hearts, we already miss her tremendously. The only ones to ever really know how I feel are Stevie and God. God knows my heart and has heard my cry, believe me. Stevie knows me.
I thank God for the kids childlike faith and their simple thoughts. They know Lexi as their sister that is now in heaven. She is loved.
I thought giving birth to her would be the hardest part and while that was long and hard, we had a wonderful support group of friends and family there to keep our minds busy the whole day. Leaving the hospital was by far the hardest and saddest time of my life. We left without Lexi. It tears me apart thinking about it, even to mention it.
When we saw Lexi for the first time I honestly was so happy to see her. Finally able to see this precious little face that every mother longs to see but has to wait until it's time. She was everything in that moment, perfect in every way. We wanted to take in all of her features. I could go on and on about how perfect she looked. She didn't look sick. She looked like our Lexi. Our lives will never be the same, but we will heal. Lexi will never be forgotten, she is our 5th child, our daughter, the kids sister. We have 2 boys and 3 girls. Not everyone will know that I know. They will only see 2 boys and 2 girls.
We have been busy everyday since, during the down times is when it's the hardest. When I sit and think I don't know what color her eyes were, hair color, personality and I had to leave the hospital empty handed. These are the hardest.
I still don't understand why this happened. I don't know that I ever will. I do know we love Lexi with all of our hearts, we already miss her tremendously. The only ones to ever really know how I feel are Stevie and God. God knows my heart and has heard my cry, believe me. Stevie knows me.
I thank God for the kids childlike faith and their simple thoughts. They know Lexi as their sister that is now in heaven. She is loved.
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